Happy Thoughts:

11/15/10

Mili Mondays: Being a Fiancé

 Today I want you to say Hi! to Olivia, she is a very sweet girl who is going through deployment as a fiancé with all the same struggles we endure as wives. I know there is always a huge debate over who has it harder. I personally think it is hard for all of us, but sometimes we forget the issues women have to face being "just a girlfriend" or "just a fiance" who doesn't have all the same privileges and benefits as a wife. So I have asked her to write about life as a Marine's fiance going through a deployment! Hope you enjoy!
 
 
Hi everyone this is Olivia from Simply Sunshine and Daisies
I have experienced all kinds of emotions in my life but none so great as to having to deal with a deployment, it almost makes me think of what a divorce would sort of feel like. I have experience 2 deployments while being my Marines fiancé and it hasn’t gotten any easier since the first one. You may think that the wife of a military man is hard but being a fiancé is really hard…
When I was just a girlfriend things didn’t bother me that much, I was just a long for the ride.. Waiting to hear back from him and loving the giggles from the girls that would watch at the library when I would momentarily skype with him it was just a “Oh my man does this” kind of thing for me and I was proud and anxious for his return, but I always figured it might be too good to be true.
I survived my first deployment to tell about it! With a box full of letters and a few tear stained..
I am dealing with the deployment with a box of tissues, a handful of letters and all of them tear stained. The jump from girlfriend to fiancé changed a lot. I want to know everything, and I need to make sure he is ok I want to be married before I become a widow you know… I watch the news (which I was put on restriction from doing L haha) and that doesn’t help being a fiancé is one of the hardest parts of being on deployment, I feel like I am stuck in the middle I am not carefree like I was when I was a gf and Im not white knuckled dealing with ankle biters as a wife.. I am sick to my stomach over plans and being worried, I want nothing more then to send out letters and packages and get letters in return (I get flowers as a bonus)  for days and days of torture building up just for a donut to change and sometimes I swear it doesn’t…
But these are some things I have learned…
Being a fiancé means your foot isn’t in the door yet to all the clubs and support groups.
Being a fiancé means you get those snooty looks from the wives.
Being a fiancé means you have to give blood samples to prove that you are military connected.
Being a fiancé means you don’t have that option of going to select certain venue locations with the man you are going to marry.
Being a fiancé means that if something happens to your man the military will not be sending an officer to your door to tell you the horrible news.
Being a fiancé means that you are constantly worried about knowing things and learning more and yet never being able to find out.
I have so many others but I will not bore you with them…
A fiancés job is so hard; we are so young and just in a relationship the core of it is being built by a woman who wants so badly to pick up an invitation and say “Do you like this one?” or getting photos back and having to choose all by yourself.
I have hardly had any time to my fiancé because he is just mine on loan the government owns him and yet he owns my heart so every day the government gets to tear at my heart..  When all I want is my Marine safe home protecting my heart.. as I cherish his …
I appreciate the chance to write this post and Thank you Betty so much for giving it to me!
Olivia
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7 comments:

  1. Thank you so much!

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  2. I am going through a similar situation! I'm also "just a fiance" and going through my first deployment (his second, my first from start to finish). Like you, I've struggled a lot because there isn't a great support system for girlfriends and fiance's.. It's especially hard because of my boys, but we're making it through. I'm headed over to your blog now!

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  3. I remember when I was a girlfriend/fiance (I wasn't in the wife circle until 3 months ago when we had been together for 5 years) and it sucked. You never got treated the same as a wife and you were never included in a lot of things. I always felt like the odd one out when I wasn't his wife. However, when you do become a wife it's a really great feeling. Hang in there girl, it will pay off soon!

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  4. thanks for this interview! i hope to feature her also. i have all the respect for milspouses in the world.. but i fully agree that girlfriends/finaces have a whole different set of issues and problems we have to face everyday. we aren't recognized by the military, and therefore have to fight even harder to be with our men and are stripped of a lot of rights spouses get.

    the day i marry my airman will be such a relief!!

    ps. i'm a new follower :)

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  5. I gotta say a mil fiance, it is terrible that you don't get the same benefits as wives. We have it different in Canada. My fiance and I are common-law and the gov't recogizes this as equal to being married.

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  6. Just found this blog & I am so glad I did! My husband is currently deployed and its so great to hear from others in my shoes.

    To Olivia, you're so amazing & strong!! I volunteer with the Family Readiness Group for my husband's unit and I make sure everyone is equally included (girlfriends, fiancees, cousins, etc.) because at the end of the day we all have a common bond: loving and supporting our soldiers (and sailors). You're in my thoughts :)

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  7. I love that I found this blog! I'm a fiance to a salior as well. We have been together for three years. It's nice to know that there are others going through the same thing. Best of luck to your life together! :)

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