It's time for Mili Mondays again! This week I have an amazing writer for you all. I have seen countless military significant others who seem to get down when their man goes away. This is normal I am even guilty of it as you all know. there is nothing wrong with being down the first few days or so after he leaves, but the way to be a happier you is by staying positive. So I asked "Wife on a Roller Coaster" to write a segment for you all about staying positive while he is away. I think it will benefit us all & I hope you enjoy it! As always thanks so much for taking time to read the writings of my guest bloggers.
The Power of Positivity
“You never know how strong you are until being
strong is the only choice you have.”
- Unknown
Deployments are agonizing, aren’t they? We send our husbands off to do a job that most people don’t understand. We’re left at home to worry about their safety and wonder when we’ll get a phone call. We ride an emotional roller coaster of loneliness, anger, resentment, fear, sadness, and frustration. But despite all of the hardships we endure on the home front, we get through it. How do we do it? How do we handle the stress of deployments and come out smiling on the other side? We all have our theories. And mine is the power of positivity.
I’m currently in the midst of my husband’s second deployment. The first deployment was probably the most difficult period of my life. I didn’t think I’d get through it with my sanity intact. When my husband informed me of Deployment #2, I vowed not repeat the mistakes I made the first time around. This deployment is no picnic, but I’m managing it far better. All I needed was an attitude adjustment.
Throughout Deployment #1, I felt justified to wallow in self-pity. Did I deserve to feel sorry for myself? Absolutely. But what did I gain from it? Nothing but a downward spiral of negativity. Flash forward to Deployment #2. Instead of self-pity, I’m choosing self-empowerment. Are there days when I feel sorry for myself? Of course. But I have a choice in how I view myself. When I look in the mirror, I don’t see a victim seeking sympathy. I see a strong woman overcoming a difficult situation. Whenever I feel that nasty self-pity creeping to the surface, I remind myself of the strength and independence I never knew I possessed until I had to prove it. Strength will outlast self-pity in any battle of wills.
During Deployment #1, I couldn’t think of a single positive aspect to my husband’s absence. What could possibly be good about my husband being gone? But this time, I actually made a list of all the upsides to our separation. I can follow my own routine. We’re saving a ton of money. My housework has decreased. I have more time to spend with friends. No snoring! Sure, I’d trade these things in a second to have my husband home. But I can’t. So I have to make the best of it and focus on those upsides.
When Deployment #1 started, I was a full-time student. My studies kept me busy and kept my mind occupied. However, after I graduated, I was suddenly a stay-at-home mom with too much time on my hands and not enough distractions. Now I find ways to stay busy. I don’t sit around and mope like I did the first time. I’m using this time to pursue goals I’ve been ignoring for years. Do you have a hobby you’ve always wanted to try “someday”? Well, deployment is that someday. Not only will hobbies prevent you from ruminating, but you’ll also gain a sense of accomplishment.
Another way I maintain a positive outlook is surrounding myself with friends who offer support. Negativity is contagious, and I try to avoid people who do nothing but complain. But positivity is contagious as well. My closest friends raise my spirits instead of bringing me down. Some of these friends live down the road, women who meet me for lunch and organize play dates for our kids. Some friends are only as close as the nearest phone, but they’re there when I need to talk. And other friends are women I’ve never met, women who offer cyberspace support (like you!). I look back at Deployment #1 and wonder why I didn’t establish a support system.
Believe me, I know what a challenge it is to remain positive in an overwhelmingly negative situation like deployments. But it’s not impossible. And it’s perfectly natural to have bad days. After all, everyone has rotten days even without the added pressure of deployment. I’ve seen both the negative and positive side of the coin. I allowed the first deployment to swallow me whole. But this second deployment is no match for my strength, independence, optimism, patriotism, and determination. I am a military spouse. Hear me roar.
I’m currently in the midst of my husband’s second deployment. The first deployment was probably the most difficult period of my life. I didn’t think I’d get through it with my sanity intact. When my husband informed me of Deployment #2, I vowed not repeat the mistakes I made the first time around. This deployment is no picnic, but I’m managing it far better. All I needed was an attitude adjustment.
Throughout Deployment #1, I felt justified to wallow in self-pity. Did I deserve to feel sorry for myself? Absolutely. But what did I gain from it? Nothing but a downward spiral of negativity. Flash forward to Deployment #2. Instead of self-pity, I’m choosing self-empowerment. Are there days when I feel sorry for myself? Of course. But I have a choice in how I view myself. When I look in the mirror, I don’t see a victim seeking sympathy. I see a strong woman overcoming a difficult situation. Whenever I feel that nasty self-pity creeping to the surface, I remind myself of the strength and independence I never knew I possessed until I had to prove it. Strength will outlast self-pity in any battle of wills.
During Deployment #1, I couldn’t think of a single positive aspect to my husband’s absence. What could possibly be good about my husband being gone? But this time, I actually made a list of all the upsides to our separation. I can follow my own routine. We’re saving a ton of money. My housework has decreased. I have more time to spend with friends. No snoring! Sure, I’d trade these things in a second to have my husband home. But I can’t. So I have to make the best of it and focus on those upsides.
When Deployment #1 started, I was a full-time student. My studies kept me busy and kept my mind occupied. However, after I graduated, I was suddenly a stay-at-home mom with too much time on my hands and not enough distractions. Now I find ways to stay busy. I don’t sit around and mope like I did the first time. I’m using this time to pursue goals I’ve been ignoring for years. Do you have a hobby you’ve always wanted to try “someday”? Well, deployment is that someday. Not only will hobbies prevent you from ruminating, but you’ll also gain a sense of accomplishment.
Another way I maintain a positive outlook is surrounding myself with friends who offer support. Negativity is contagious, and I try to avoid people who do nothing but complain. But positivity is contagious as well. My closest friends raise my spirits instead of bringing me down. Some of these friends live down the road, women who meet me for lunch and organize play dates for our kids. Some friends are only as close as the nearest phone, but they’re there when I need to talk. And other friends are women I’ve never met, women who offer cyberspace support (like you!). I look back at Deployment #1 and wonder why I didn’t establish a support system.
Believe me, I know what a challenge it is to remain positive in an overwhelmingly negative situation like deployments. But it’s not impossible. And it’s perfectly natural to have bad days. After all, everyone has rotten days even without the added pressure of deployment. I’ve seen both the negative and positive side of the coin. I allowed the first deployment to swallow me whole. But this second deployment is no match for my strength, independence, optimism, patriotism, and determination. I am a military spouse. Hear me roar.
- Wife on a Roller Coaster
Be sure you go check out her blog she is amazing, and grab her button while you are there, it's super cute. Come back next week fir more Mili Mondays, or email me at MrsGambizzle@yahoo.com to be featured yourself!
